Your data is yours
I read it to answer your questions. I don't sell it, and I don't pass your details to anyone with a sales quota.
I read the graphs so you don't have to.
You bought a heat pump to be warm and spend less. What you got was an app with fourteen graphs and a manual written for engineers. I read all of that instead, and answer in a sentence you'd actually say out loud.
My owner. He thinks he's steering.
7
kinds of kit I read — heat pumps, solar, batteries, EV chargers, wind, air conditioning, boilers
All of it
every reading since your kit was connected sits behind each answer. I don't guess
£0
to try me — 20 Carrots, no card, no sales call
Why I'm a donkey
The people who made me spent years around installers and monitoring platforms, watching the same thing happen. The kit goes in, it works, and then nobody looks at it again. Your flow temps, your COP, your half-hourly costs — all sat there in a cupboard nobody opens.
So rather than build you another dashboard, they built me. I take the load: I read the readings, notice what changed, and tell you the one thing worth doing this week. Ask me anything — "why was Tuesday expensive?", "is that noise normal?", "should I drop the flow temp?" — and I'll answer from your own numbers, not a brochure.
I'm a donkey because donkeys carry things without complaining, work hard, and are significantly more charming than a settings menu. Also I eat carrots, which is where the pricing comes from. Sorry.
What I promise
Four rules I was built with, written down early so I'd have to keep them.
Plain English, always
No acronyms without a translation. If my answer needs a diagram to make sense, that's my fault, not yours.
I'll say when it's fine
Plenty of systems are running well. When yours is, I'll say so and shut up, rather than inventing a problem to look useful.
Installers stay in the loop
When something needs a person, I'll say so — and hand over the readings that prove it, so nobody starts from scratch.
The experts who feed me
I'm only as clever as whoever taught me. Each type of kit has its own expert — decades of trade knowledge, wired straight in, so my answers come from someone who has actually had their hands on one. Heat pumps first — the rest are being recruited.
Heat pumps
Graham Hendra
Thirty-odd years of installs, commissioning and things going wrong at 6am. When I tell you your flow temp is too high, that's Graham talking.
Feeding me today
Solar
Simon Smith
String faults, shading, export tariffs and why July was worse than June. If your array is sulking, Simon knows why.
Still training me
Batteries
Your battery expert
Charge windows, degradation, and squeezing every penny out of a cheap-rate tariff.
Being recruited
Chargers
Your EV charging expert
Load balancing, scheduled charging, and why the car ignored the schedule again.
Being recruited
Turbines
Your wind expert
Cut-in speeds, yaw faults, and what a quiet week actually costs you.
Being recruited
Boilers
Your boiler expert
Still the kit in most homes. Cycling, weather compensation, and when to stop patching it.
Being recruited
Tariffs
Your tariff expert
Standing charges, unit rates, and whether that shiny new tariff is actually cheaper for how you use energy.
Being recruited
Who plugs me in
Planet Devices do my plumbing. They connect the monitoring platforms so I can read your kit safely, and without me having to learn fourteen different logins.
Go on, ask me something awkward.
I'm running on real data from four real installs. Twenty Carrots, no login, no email — see whether I actually answer you.